I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
