He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
this beer tastes like vomit already
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
