He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
