can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i can't believe i had my finger in that
no. you can't hotbox the world.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
