He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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