His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
