i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
