It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
