Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Your cock deserves a montage
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
