Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
