Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
