My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
