this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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