y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
