i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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