Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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