i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
