my phone needs a breathalizer
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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