Sry I called you an 8
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
