I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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