his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
