when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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