Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I deserve this hangover.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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