Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
