I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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