When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
