Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
So squirting runs in the family.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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