Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
