you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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