how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
