remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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