her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
