And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
