I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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