Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
