: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
