was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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