U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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