My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Let's paint friendship bongs
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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