At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
