i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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