I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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