No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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