Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
