I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
