THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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