he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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