I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
