i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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