I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You made out with two different species that night
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
