i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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