I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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