Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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