Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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