i think my mom watched the whole time
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
