You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize