shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
