Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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