it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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