The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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