Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
