I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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