im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
