i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
MIDGETS
????
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
