she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
