There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
