I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
They are going to name an STD after you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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